As random gestures of kindness resonating from male suitors in the instinctive moonlight dance to attract a mate are abruptly cast into the rancid trash heap of brainwashing ideology and forceful group think, the efforts of counter cultural movements in societal reengineering, are proving disturbingly effective. Add the classic “message in a bottle” method of mysterious communication, to the list of activities that demand at the very least, a public shaming.
A British man learned the hard way, according to the BBC, that using an unconventional and eloquent mechanism for finding love is akin to bludgeoning the planet. Craig Sullivan, who lost his wife a year and a half ago to cancer, employed a massive “message in a bottle” campaign in UK waterways, in the hopes of finding love. Apparently, Sullivan was fed up with the nearly unnavigable modern dating scene infected by an epidemic of misandry and fraudulent precipices overtaking dating apps and websites.
The good news is that the marine campaign worked as Sullivan received nearly fifty responses from women interested in a date. However, the bad news drifts with the reality that certain compartments of modern society, are mentally ambiguous. Sullivan’s ethereal and heartfelt dating crusade actually sparked a maelstrom of public outrage and negativity, as the shrill environmental voice completely admonished the efforts. The incessant public scolding culminated in authorities at the Scottish Environmental Protection Agency releasing a public statement advising that Sullivan’s love bottles posed no threat to water quality, flora or fauna, in response to actual complaints filed by residents.
In total, Sullivan released nearly 2000 cherished messages some reaching as far away as Ireland, and has since ceased operations, in the wake of the lunacy, after personally receiving irate complaints.
Rumors are circulating that Parliament is currently exploring legislation on banning the noble act of serenading, as various groups have shown concern that a man singing to a woman on a warm summer night, is both sexist and fueled by microaggressions. The environmental lobby has weighed in that the man’s voice in song, is akin to “noise pollution”. There are even threats to erasing the musical hit, Message in a Bottle, by The Police, from the collective consciousness.
Gentlemen, the time is now to try to win her heart in the ways of our ancestors, as everything cherished in the world slowly dissolves into a timeless darkness and the endless winter of totalitarianism. The hope is that at least one of Sullivan’s vessels reaches a quaint stretch of uninhabited shore 100 years from the now, and is discovered by an individual who learns of a people who were once delicate and complex, and capable of romance and love.
Read the BBC story here.
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