Sex, Lies, And Social Media- The Sour Aftertaste Of Pyeongchang

Now that the category 5 storm of the International Olympic Committee has passed, and greedily and purposefully regressed the economy of the entire Korean peninsula to a possible forced reunification and subsequent invites from elitist leadership groups in Vietnam, Cuba and of course Venezuela, the damage can truly be assessed.

Breaking News: And the US team garnered only 23 Medals! Somebody call members of the 1980 hockey team and speed skating legend Apollo Ohno.

With the underlying reality of a festering political sore pulsating with intense hatred and worldly misunderstanding, exacerbated by two and half generations of a tedious and too close of a proximity, the Pyeongchang Winter Olympics was doomed from the start. Throw into the volatile mix, the absence of the Russians, a lackluster US audience, the contrived television production mechanism of NBC, and the reliably corrupt IOC, and once again the local economy and the athletes are victims of reckless circumstance.

While, the viral low point of the competition was the ugly social networking battle involving downhill skier Lindsey Vonn and an insane and decrepit band of attacking and commentating trolls, who may or may not be affiliated with former Soviet states, the new despicable phenomenon of “mimicking” evolved in the superficial trophy case of event officials. (Fortunately, Vonn won the bronze, months after committing the PR blunder of publicly denouncing a possible victory lap tour of Trump’s White House.)

At least from a US perspective, the Winter Olympics has never been an entirely thorough representation to the athletic prowess of the nation, as lesser known sports provide a faster track in earning a spot on the national team, than say basketball, softball, or track and field, because of the limited amount of competitors. Though the skill sets of the athletes are amazing, the requirements of very specific and stringent training environments, deters widespread participation. This truth and the reality that certain individual choose to employ great lengths in earning a spot on center stage, through applying for citizenship in nations that feature a limited presence in certain events, waters down the entire quality of the events. Thus, the concept of the mimic, is one of the worst fates that an already tepid ratings paradigm faces in attracting robust viewership. Very average skier, American Elizabeth Swaney, was able to take advantage of an under performing Hungarian national half pipe team, and fake her way to a dubious international experience, that delighted and confused the audience.

Swaney’s listless routine, was so routinely brutally horrible (children regularly exceed the level of her performance on an average weekend at the local half pipe), that the collective viral monstrosity that dictates the trending global vibe, nearly reduced Mark Zuckerberg’s wall to a pile of tropical rubble. How the announcers for NBC were able to maintain objective, shows that CNN may have a couple of  viable candidates in fighting the wildfire of biased news reporting. While, her record setting effort will hopefully never ever again be emulated, it just made the final cuts for the official LPP lowlights of the games.

Pyeongchang Bottom Five Lowlights-

1. Un Overtakes Pence- The telling visual image of Kim Jong Un’s sister strategically seated “above” the US VP in the stands, got the event off to a surefire bang.
2. Mike Tirico Replaces Costas- Viewers collectively question whether Costas is a cyborg, but Tirico was supposed to be better and simply wasn’t.
3. Swaney’s Swoon- See Above
4. The North Korean Cheerleading Squad- Only in Korea is a pep squad of photogenic and chilling killing machines allowed to congregate during a hockey game.
5. The Real Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump- In a humorous segue from the underwhelming spectator events, the Dear Leader and Trump were constantly berated by event officials.

Next Up the 2020 Beijing Games… Can you feel it?