A certain San Francisco 49ers quarterback was unable to visit the polls, as the controlled chaos and the quasi-Einsteinian layering of the significant and dense and plume and plumage, effectively hindered the faintest notions of the critical thinking process. The bureaucratic NASA is pining for the opportunity to study the “Fro” and the potential for use as an energy source or streamlined clothing material in conjunction with long-term manned (sorry humanned) missions.
And no, the editorial peanut gallery of LPP is not talking about Joe Montana or Steve Young, who is a concussion away from echoing the voting route of Ric Flair in writing himself in for “Secretary of Getting Down Baby!”.
Instead, the poster child for the vast instances of the antithesis of accomplishment plaguing millennials yielded as a gentle leaf floating in the thermals of a Spring breeze laced with cattle methane and further cemented his place in society as a millionaire crybaby sucking on the proverbial teat of the sugary source of perpetual validation and the resounding shrieks of “me!”. “I’m not a role model.” If there was any trace amount of logic in his lacking decision, maybe the scarce neurons in his brain connected the dots with the massive award of clemency to 60,000 felons in Virginia, and thus participating the election process was simply an honorary gesture to the act of blatant voter fraud.
After capturing the ire and frustration of the majority of the nation thanks to his anti-flag and anthem antics shrouded by a scheming, unctuous and cowardly plunge into the construct of the First Amendment, the initial reaction by reasonable adults was to tie him up by his you know whats. Thanks to the linear properties dictated by the laws of Thermodynamics in a situation of social discourse things tend to become balanced and situations rectified, especially in the case of blind, arrogant and unpatriotic act. However, the framework of the volcanic Afro-style mushroom which is inexplicably and neatly contained beneath the helmet, defies all physical laws and language definitions within the realm of sanity and order.
Read the full Fox News article here.