On the eve of a new set of game changing and stringent privacy laws going into effect in Europe, officials hooked the tie-yielding Moray eel billionaire founder of the most extensive social network on the planet far from his temperate tidal luxurious Hawaiian Island waters, only to let him wriggle back into the comfortable shallows minutes later.
F***book and other online communities are feverishly scrambling to implement a complete array of software mechanisms in continuing to aggressively mine account user data and share it with God knows who, in possibly rigging the next round of elections in Sri Lanka, by illegally endorsing the All Ceylon Makkal Congress, or providing millions of fake likes for the Clinton Foundation, and generating fabricated one-sided content, before Big Ben officially chimes midnight on May 25.
In attempting to investigate the internal policies for handling data security, and other pertinent concerns emanating from the vast social network, the EU held their own version of a congressional hearing Tuesday, but with a rather peculiar format. The BBC News reports the quirky structure of the testimony led to a train wreck of confusion and disorganization from parliament members allocated the task of debriefing Zuckerberg, which resulted in an utter failure to address crucial issues and a good old fashioned game of bureaucratic finger pointing.
Allegedly, in a grotesque display of grandstanding and piss poor planning, each EU political group voiced their questions and opinions, while Zuckerberg sat with representatives and listened to the entire panel. Instead of forcing the tech mogul to respond directly to each of the questions, the inexplicable format of the proceedings allowed for the presence of a gargantuan loophole. Of course, Zuckerberg took full advantage of the obvious glitch and was able to customize the interaction with the ease of a powerful software platform in selecting which specific questions he would respond to. His entire testimony spanned just over twenty vapid minutes in duration. Obviously, the meeting fell a few billion likes short of accomplishing squat, and in the aftermath parliament members could not reach a consensus on who to blame, and the story changed many times and is still not settled.
With the glaring oversight by the parliament in tripping over their collective shadows as the clock is literally ticking, the concern for end users is that F***book will activate facial recognition technology complete with furtive opt-out controls, before the upcoming deadline. Officials in Europe are wary of “pre-ticked” boxes used on accounts in North America and Asia, where users are automatically enrolled in apps, including the controversial and extremely powerful face tagging feature, unless the account holder embarks on a confusing journey to actively seek out and uncover the actual checkbox to disable functionability and optimize personal privacy. For US users, the seemingly innumerable combination of account security options and ingrained features, offers the experience of a perpetual tax season convoluted horror film with the presence of digital quicksand. Rumor has it the basic account settings send personal information directly to the Kremlin and the GRU, before the scraps are sold to minor state officials and mafia members for pennies on the dollar.
Fortunately, for European Union officials blundering like a flock of carefree sheep in giving cross-examinations a bad name by offering hugs, tea, and unintentional immunity, the presence of pure bureaucracy provides a necessary security blanket in affirming the accepted truth of universal accomplishment spanning the continent, “You tried. All is forgiven.”
Read the BBC News article here.